Sometimes I find myself asking the same question over and over again, “How could anyone love me if I can’t even love myself?”
The mirror has become my worst enemy. Every time I cross paths with one my heart sinks to the floor. I see a stranger, an ugly monster staring back at me. So many flaws to point out.. Especially the biggest flaw of all, my weight. I starve and binge, always at war with myself. If only I could drop the weight, grow my hair out, be as pretty as all the other girls. I just want to be that girl that guys would be proud to date or call their own. I want to turn heads when I enter a room, for good reasons and not for all the wrong ones. I want compliments not judgement. I want to be perfect… I don’t understand when I started thinking like that and lost every ounce of my confidence. I don’t believe I am even close to beautiful, let alone worth while. I am incredibly broken on the inside. Trust issues and abandonment issues. Just one giant mess underneath it all. I am always confined in my mind. Worrying about what others think about me and if they ever really care or if I am just fooling myself. I wonder if I will ever be at peace with myself or if I will continue to spiral downwards to hell..