I am 22 and have hit a whole new level of unhapiness… all ive ever wanted was to see the country but financial shitstorms just keep hitting me making it impossible. I rely on my friends cause my dad left me and my mom is the polar opposite of me and couldn’t relate if her life depended on it and it hurts her a lot more than me making me feel like complete dirt. I cant remeber the last time she told me she was proud of me… I don’t even remember the last time my dad even attempted to contact me. I work 40+ hours a week at a job I hate and has zero fufillment in it…. Last night I really thought it was time to just end my life, but hope for better times and I really dont want to be that selfish to the few that do care about me… Even that isn’t working much anymore im running out of reasons to keep going and just find myself waiting for the next bad thing to happen more than a good one… I am relying more and more on my friends for happiness which has alienated me from my family. I am a functioning drug and s** addict… i need some influence to not feel depressed. I use people for s** and then discard them before I csn get attached and then hurt again. Ive gotten to the point where I need to be physically hurt just to get off. I dont even know how it got this bad it wasn’t overnight yet i never saw this coming. The only 3 things that even make me happy anymore are my 2 best friends, music, and drawing. It gives me an outlet, but it gets harder and harder the worse things get to actually feel motivated and inspired to create something. I feel more and more like doing nothing and just crawling in a whole and just tuning the stressful world out. Its funny how much i can fake being happy when i don’t even remember what it feels like.