I feel like my whole life is falling apart and I’m just 18. I know I sound like a typical teenage drama queen but I swear I’m not exaggerating the gravity of the situation here. I have an adequate number of friends, none of whom I’m close to. All my past friendships, the ones I thought and believed would last forever are disintegrating before my eyes. It kills me inside to know that no one genuinely gives a f*** about me, about my hapiness or well being. My mother is busy saving her marriage and trying to make ends meet. I don’t really blame except for the part where she left me to rot in a boarding school because that’s what her in-laws thought was appropriate. That was the day my mother truly broke my heart, she didn’t fight for me, she didn’t stand up for me, she watched me go because all she could think was how she could please them, earn their acceptance. Looking back that’s the day I grew up, figured out how everybody in this world works for self motive including the person who brings you here. The guy I’m insanely in love with loathes me, he’s addicted to pot and would literally chose weed over a human being and yet I find myself falling more and more in love with him with each passing day. I’ve thought of suicude, I’m not going to lie, it has crossed my mind several times but I’m sensible enough to not resort to it. I just I don’t know what to do, my life is all over the place and I just can’t gain control of it and it’s driving me crazy. It’s not the life I wanted, not the one I hoped for yet one I’ll have to live with and honestly I don’t know how much longer I can take it. Love is all I ask for but never receive.