I guess I ended up choosing the same ol’ route. I showed you that I friendzone you. The consequence I must face now, is this heart-breaking pain in the chest again. I’m such a coward. hahahaha… What else can I do? I can’t let you know about how I feel. But… I can type whatever I want in here. Since there is no way that you will know about this. You don’t even care anyway. You’re just going to remain being the cold-hearted you who just keep a cold attitude towards anybody behind those fake smiles and laughs. People will thought that you are easy-going and friendly. But, only those who truly knows you, knows that those are just facade. Those who benefits you, entertain you and those that you are jealous of, you attaches to them and feed onto their services to feel good about yourself and to experience those happiness. Then, when they no longer entertain you, benefit you and when they lose the things that you are jealous of, you left them. Ruthlessly. Without any hesitation nor compassion towards them. This is the real you. The you who leaves when they no longer help you feel good about yourself, when your relationship with them are getting closer and better. Yet,… I still fell for you. I fell for the kind, helpful, considerate, warm, friendly, childish you. The ‘you’ that you put on to others when they benefit you. I fell hard. So hard that it may be impossible to forget you. It has been 3 years. 3 years of one-sided love with 1 year of being played by you. I am tired. I want to stop all these feelings. I spent 2 years trying to forget you and yet I still can’t control my mind from thinking about you everyday, my heart from beating rapidly whenever I text you, my excitement for your reply while waiting for you to read my messages. I hate this side of me. I hate this pathetic me, even after I just got played around by you. Why am I like this? For two years, I’ve spent every night, praying for god to erase you from my mind, to take my heart back from you, to trade this pathetic hope to be with you this lifetime in exchange for prosperous future. Yes, I chose better future than being with you. No matter how much I asked for this, my heart still yearns for you. That hope… still remains in me, no matter how much I want to rid it. All these pathetic words and feelings, I shall leave it here, since it does not matter anymore. I will forever remain as your friend. The kind of friend that you try to cross the boundaries with, just for slight entertainment for your boring life. Do not worry about me. for I will definitely keep all these pathetic feelings and pathetic side of me deep within my soul until the day I can finally take my heart back from you.