5 years
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I don’t know if I am guilty or not. Well since I am here. I guess the feeling is there. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. He is not interested in s**,he blames it on work. I’ve asked him to get his hormones checked out, he still hasn’t gone. I have to beg for ssx and I hate myself for even doing that. I am a beautiful girl, I’ve never had to beg for s**. We have s** whenever he wants to, and when we do it’s not wow, most of the time I don’t even get off. I am so desperate for any kind of affection. I recently flew back home to visit family, when I came back I discovered that he send an Asian lady money. He does have an obsession with Asian women. He didn’t cheat on he with her because she is in the Philippines. I was so angry and heartbroken at the time I decided to find someone to hook with. I did and he is 18 years my senior. I’ve never had such amazing s** in life. I don’t feel bad because I deserve great s**. I’m 24, I am at peak. But I wish it was my 33 year old bf giving me all that pleasure. He is a great guy. He takes care of me and we have even spoken about a future together. I just can’t deal with not having s** it’s punishment. He even got me toys because we had an argument about s**, he said I’m upset that I can’t help myself. I’m very upset I feel like a part of relationship is about pleasing each other and discovering your big O with your partner. I honestly don’t know what to do. We are supposed to go for couple therapy but I have never felt so unwanted, I have lost so much self confidence. But like I said he is a great the only problem is we have s** once a month. He said he doesn’t watch p*** anymore so I don’t know. I’m also not ready to leave him. With covid it will be difficult to survive I got a salary cut, it works better if we live together. I also don’t want to leave him. I love him, very much I actually do.

New Confession

Many mornings i sit on my front porch with coffee and a cigarette as a relaxing way to watch the world wake up. This morning i was doing so with the residual taste of the male runner i orally please (usually weekly but sometimes more frequently) still clinging in my throat. An older couple was on ther morning walk today, i see them occasionally. She was the usual casual wave and good morning but he did not even glance my direction. She called him out on it and told him to at least say good morning, and they were on their way again. As they walked away he turned and looked back at me with an uncertain ezpression on hia face I hope she did not give him grief later, because i know why he was acting awkwardly. About six weeks ago he made his first visit to my back yard shed to take his own pleasure in my mouth. It was actually emotional for him because he had not gotten any relief in a very long time. I told him he was welcome any time. But like many older married men he was truly suffering the guilt and shame of taking his pleasure in a man’s mouth and for being unfaithful to his wife. But naturally after getting the incredible pleasure i gave him as i reverently worshipped his hard hungry male flesh…he told me during and after that he had no idea such pleasure existed…his guilt and remorse and shame got to him and after a couole of weeks i assumed he would never return. But sure enough, i eventually saw him on a morning solo walk and he came up to me unable to even speak or ask, and i simply had him follow me to my back yard shed and without speaking i gave him what he needed again. And of course afterwards despite his enjoyment in the moment, he was in tears again and said he could never do this again. But a week later, he was back for more. Then again a few days after that This is where we are at as i saw him on his walk with his wife this morning. I have sincere empathy for his inner crisis, and he kmows if he comes back for more he will get it time and again. I know it sounds arrogant but i know eventually he will come back again and again. Not because i am conceited but because i simply know men and the type of man that seeks what i give them on my knees. He will come back because they all do eventually this is simply how some men get what they need and i enjoy giving it to them for a host of reasons…..from the diary of a closet neighborhood cocksucker

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