Ali Wong Explains Why Women Won’t Offer Blowjobs Anymore Once They Marry.
And why should men listen?
Eva Grape
Eva Grape
May 14 · 5 min read
Photo by cottonbro from Pexels
My husband is discontent with the amount of oral s** he’s getting now that we have a child.
On the other hand, I can’t help wondering why he is complaining about this when he’s still getting s**; I mean, there are many men out there who won’t get any once they become parents.
To give you a clear picture of his grievance, imagine that my husband told me to write this story for other fellow men that might go through the same troubles, while he won’t even get to read this piece. Yes, you got this right. My husband doesn’t know what my pen name is, so if this piece turns viral, I’ll potentially blow (haha, pun intended — ’cause that’s the only thing I’ll blow) up my cover.
What he doesn’t know, and it surprises me because we’ve watched this Netflix stand-up together a while ago, is that Ali Wong gives all men the heads (haha, I did it again) up on what happens once their wives become mothers.
When you give birth to a baby they hand you a diploma that says: Congratulations, you’ve earned the right to not s*** d*** out of obligation — Ali Wong, Baby Cobra
Is this a joke or a fact?
Besides the joke, which is a damn good one — I need to agree, there’s a truth in it.
Rui Alves
covered the topic from a guy’s perspective, and I loved it. I can confirm that I am one of the 72% of women who don’t hate giving blowjobs but don’t love it either.
In all honesty, what I love about it is the power it gives me over my husband. Knowing that I can make him crazy by offering him amazing oral s** is a strong motivator for doing it.
Still, now that I am a mother, the level of exhaustion I have doesn’t quite put me in the mood for performing yet another job in the long list of jobs that already depend on me getting done.
Now I want to use less time on him and more time on me, which translates into simple and straightforward s** that meets its purpose to relax my body and mind. Ideally, this should happen efficiently enough so I’ll still have time to rest until my son requests my presence over the night.
The reality is that moms are chronically tired.
You can’t expect that she’ll put the same amount of time and effort into s** as she did before. Since, as parents, we need to focus on the essentials, oral s**, at least in my books, doesn’t fall into this category.
Another reason my husband received less oral s** than before is that my jaw’s joints hurt me very much when I’m straining. My dentist told me that I should be very gentle with them because I’m predisposed to arthritis, and the only option I have is surgery. Now, as you can imagine, I’m not willing to suffer many weeks after offering my husband oral s** for minutes in a row just because he’s a baby about it and demands it.
Not long ago, he even refused to have s** because I wasn’t willing to blow him.
Guys, oral s** is not everything — there are plenty of other pleasurable activities that both partners can enjoy.
S** shouldn’t be a job. I am tired of jobs. When I have s**, I want to relax, not to be bothered with straining my jaw for pleasuring my husband when there is plenty of other ways to go around it.
In my opinion, oral s** is overrated, and
Rui Alves
supports this claim, too.
In my 20s, when I wasn’t in touch with my s******** and my feminine side, I didn’t know what I like. My husband, who was my boyfriend at that time, seven years older than me, got to guide me through the process of finding out.
A big part of the discovery process was oral s**. I remember we spent a lot of time pleasuring one another like this while penetration was just a small part of it. I was fine with this approach, especially since I found penetrative s** slightly painful due to some mental blockages.
My husband knew that oral s** was a straightforward way to help me climax.
Yet, I’m not 20 anymore. I am past those mental blockages because I went through therapy, and I accepted my body, past, and myself. I also explored my s******** with another woman and concluded that oral s**, in my case, infantilizes me.
I like penetrative s**, and I like to experiment with different positions. I wouldn’t trade penetration for sucking or licking, so even though I won’t exclude them from having a good time, I wouldn’t allocate a lot of time and space for it. So, as Ali Wong puts it, I don’t want to give it out of obligation.
Also, because we’re both adults and married, oral s** no longer represents the safe way of enjoying s** while protecting against unwanted pregnancy. This is, in all honesty, one of the reasons we preferred it as young adults.
Final words
Dear men,
Only because your wives or partners will not give oral s** anymore or as satisfying as before, you shouldn’t be so quickly on judging your worth on it; we still love you, and you still deserve it. Heck, you’re still attractive for us, and that is not the problem why you get less of it.
The real reasons why you’re getting less of it is more connected to:
a) Tiredness — mothers are tired human beings. They don’t need to add another job to their long list of jobs that need a fix.
b) Health issues — blowjobs are straining on the jaw’s joints. My doctor, for example, even if he didn’t specifically tell me to refrain from giving blowjobs (which would have been super awkward), told me to be careful with my joints because I’m prone to serious issues due to my condition.
c) Other s***** preferences — As we age, our s***** preferences change too. We sometimes “decouple” from what we used to enjoy together for many years. That doesn’t mean that we’re in trouble as a couple. We just need to be patient with one another and adjust to change.
Oral s** is hot, but remember, it’s not everything. For a quick list of things you might enjoy outside of it, check out
Rui Alves’s story “Blowjobs s***!”.
Me: Once you get married, you might as well kiss constant s** goodbye – she has the marriage ring and the piece of paper and that’s it, what is there left which she has to do – servicing you, does not have to be one of them, unless you are extremely fortunate