Over the weekend I posted here about being 59 and my mother’s death earlier this year, and how my birthday this year will the first birthday since I was 15 that I will not get to c** in her. While I posted that as a somewhat pointless and wistful thing, it got me thinking and I realized that while it was not a deeply emotional loss, if at all, and was mostly about how my s***** learning and s******** was so wrapped up in her….I realized that her death is probably the reason I have had almost no s** drive for weeks. That I have not had any s***** interest in weeks and have not even had spontaneous overnight erections in my sleep since then. I have spent my entire life with a ravenous s***** appetite but have felt zero interest for weeks. But realizing that I was not even having significant fantasies and no erections made me realize what was going on. I put it to the test in the shower this morning and not a surprise….at the first memory of being invited to her bed once a year, and the slightest touch of my own hand, I was instantly erect and aching. Did not bother finishing myself off because it was a rather appalling thing to realize.