I was about 13years old. One day I was walking home after school, through a park I saw an old guy jerking his cock outside the public bathroom, I walked

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I was about 13years old. One day I was walking home after school, through a park I saw an old guy jerking his c*** outside the public bathroom, I walked pass him out of the park. But I got curious and turned back to watch. He took me to a bathroom stall and made me s*** it (or more like f*** my mouth) his c*** was nasty with smegma, he pulled my head down all the way against him I can hardly breath and all I breath in was the smell of his musky crotch and p****. It went on for about 5 mins or seemed really long, he came in my mouth and I swallowed(he didn’t tell me to, I don’t know why just didn’t want it to leak and get on my clothes) he smiled and didn’t say anything just left, I walked out not long after him but he’s already ran off. It all happened really fast I didn’t like it when it happened cuz the smell, but on my way home I realised how wet it got me, my p****** r soaked and cold (it was winter).
I can’t stop thinking about it, I start to finger myself and every now and then I would sneak into the male bathroom, hide in the stalls to m*********. Hoped to see him again and ask him to finally f*** me but he never showed.
Now I’m in my 20s(obviously already had plenty adventures) still think about that day. Ask my hookups not to wash they c*** for days. When girls get pissed off by the stinky chubby guy in our class(college) I nod alone, but I always get so wet when he gets near me, and I always breath deeply and quietly.

New Confession

I met this nice girl and she said she had some first date questions for me.

Girl- Are you planning on getting married.
Me- Sure
Girl- What are you most insecure about?
Me- Well if I was insecure about something then I wouldn’t be secure enough to discuss it on a first date and not in a public space like this where people can hear.
Girl- You don’t say much. I need a guy who is open with me. So tell me what was your most humiliating experience?
Me- looking stunned.
Girl- C’mon what humiliated you the most? Well tell me, what was your most humiliating experience?
Me- Well uh, uh.
Girl- Answer me.
Me- Then you’ll just ask me more questions about it and there’s no privacy here.
Girl- No I won’t. Just tell me what it was.
Me- Being circumcised.
Girl- Smirk, smirk. Tongue in cheek. Wide eyes look delighted. Well that’s interesting.
Girl- Was it painful to get your foreskin cut off?
Me- Yes
Girl- Yes what? How about complete sentences?
Me- Yes it was very painful to get circumcised. It was agony.
Girl- Didn’t they give you anesthesia?
Me- no
Girl- Tell me the whole story, not just one word answers. Use complete sentences. Now why didn’t you get anesthesia?
Me- The doctor said because I was not a candidate because I had allergic reactions and it was too risky, but I think it was because Mother wanted it that way.
Girl- Why did she want it that way?
Me- Because she said anesthesia would just be a veil. It would deprive me of having the full experience. She said pain is a good teacher. She wanted me to experience the gift she was giving me.
Girl- What was she teaching you?
Me- to not abuse my birdie and to obey her rules.
Girl- snorting and smirking. Oh I never heard it called that before. A ‘birdie’. So she had your ‘birdie’ cut? A ‘Birdie” cut and trimmed! LOL
Me- Yes she had my birdie cut and trimmed. She said she had me fixed.
Girl- How much did she take off of your little “birdie”? snickering and smirking
Me- She had it stripped of all the foreskin.
Girl- Oh poor little birdie, smirking. Was there a lot of foreskin?
Me- yes
Girl – I think we discussed using complete sentences, like yes there was a lot of foreskin on my birdie that mommy had cut off.
Me- Yes there was a lot of foreskin on my birdie that Mother had cut off. She took it all. It went over the head and then there was more. Mother cut it all off.
Girl- Did you cry?
Me- Yes I cried, it was very painful.
Girl- Did you beg?
Me- Yes I begged.
Girl- Did she have anything else ‘fixed’?
Me- She had my bird ‘fixed’.
Girl- Did she fix your birdie eggs too?
Me- I still have my birdie eggs.
Girl- so she didn’t castrate you? You still have your birdie eggs?
Me- Correct, I was not castrated, only circumcised.
Girl- Tell me what you begged, what did you say?
Me- I begged them to not cut it and I promised I would never touch it again. I promised to be a good boy.
Girl- OH that’s so sweet. Was your “birdie” erect when they cut it?
Me- Yes at first but then it went soft after they started cutting it.
Girl- How long did it stay hard?
Me- I’m not sure, maybe a minute. Maybe two minutes.
Girl- Did you scream when they cut your ‘birdie’? Did you beg them to stop?
Me- Yes I screamed and begged them to not cut it but they cut it anyway. They put a rubber plug in my mouth so they didn’t have to listen to me.
Girl- So you were strapped down with you ‘birdie’ sticking up in the air waiting to get circumcised?
Me- Yes I was in restraints and I couldn’t move.
Girl- Tell me more. Tell me about it and stop holding back. Were your legs strapped open and your ‘bird’ sticking up?
Me- Yes my legs were spread open and strapped down with my erect bird sticking up and straps around my legs, a belly strap, and arm, wrist and chest straps. The put a band around my head so I couldn’t thrash about. They put a catheter up my erection impaling it on a Foley catheter.
Girl what was the most humiliating? Your begging?
Me- Well there were student nurses there and I was circumcised in front of them while they watched, asked questions and participated. They also took pics.
Girl- Ah so you had an adoring audience and some of them have pics of your special event.
Me- yes my Mother and Sisters also watched me getting circumcised.
Girl- Training for nurses is important.
Me- That’s what Mother said.
Girl- Mother knows best! smirk
Me- Yes she does.
Girl- How long did it take?
Me- I’m not sure. At least and hour and maybe two. They took their time. They took breaks. They prolonged it.
Girl- So you squirmed and cried for an hour?
Me- Do we have to discuss this here? You said you wouldn’t ask any questions.
Girl- Just answer me. This is fascinating. No one is listening. Did you squirm and struggle for the whole time?
Me- Yes I couldn’t move much at all.
Girl- What did you think about while they took breaks?
Me – I just wondered when it would be over. I wanted it to be over.
Girl- Did you think about the pain? Did you really feel the pain.
Me- Yes the pain was everywhere. My birdie was so burning and so raw.
Girl- Did you get the full experience your mommy wanted you to have?
Me- Yes I got the complete and full experience.
Girl- Was it a gift like your mommy said? Why are you hesitating? Was it a gift from mommy to have your ‘birdie’ snipped and clipped? Did she do the right thing?
Me- Yes it was a gift from mommy to have my birdie snipped and clipped. Mother did the right thing.
Girl- Did she give you want you deserved and needed?
Me -Yes I got what I deserved and needed.
Girl- Did you lie to mommy after that or did it teach you to tell the truth?
Me- I told her the truth and I obeyed her rules.
Girl- are you going to lie to me?
Me- I’ll tell you the truth
Girl- Are you going to obey my rules?
Me- I don’t know what your rules are.
Girl- You’ll learn my rules. They are a lot like your mommy’s rules.
Me- Mother has a lot of rules and harsh punishments.
Girl- When were you circumcised?
Me- I was 12.
Girl- That’s delightful. This is fascinating.

Related Confessions

Some of this i learned and processed years after when my mother told me. Even when i was an infant if i was crying or fussy she would fondle my g e n i t a l s to soothe me and take me to breast. Apparently even when she was trying to toilet train as a first reward system she would do it as a reward. When i was no longer bedwetting she had me sleep in her bed. She continued to brrastfeed me for many years, long past puberty. She did so to make me obedient whether it was good grades or chores or general behavior. When school first started it was neurotic so she escalated it. At some point that i remember from around 7 or 8 she would use her mouth as a special treat. She also said she did it because boys are dirty and bad. She said she did it to keep me from shaming or degrading myself. When hair began to grow on my body she kept me shaved because she said ikept me her cute little boy. She did not tell me this until i dreamt it but apparently overnight she would commonly at same general age have me lay on top of her and rub my p e n i s against her between her legs. These things happened commonly until the first time i e j a c ulated when she had her mouth on me. From that event on she would have me enter her and climax every morning and every night at bedtime. To her it was keeping me good and focused and making good grades all the way through college (local, lived with her). It continued until her age made it too difficult to do safely and she eventually had of her in home caretakers serve as her surrogate for higher pay. I still see that caretaker since my mother died and i continue to oay her to visit her several times a week. I have never dated or been with any other women. Mother got me addicted to infantile headspace s** for control and i have no ability to be attracted to or date or have relationship,s** because i am helplessly trapped in that whole messed up mommy mentality.