It always amazes me though especially at this point in time how there are still a few people who think I care in a positive way about her. I don’t know why people would think that. It makes me wonder if they really know what that relationship was and how ugly it was and has been even after its been completely done for 10 years. There a few people out there who believe that. I think they are confused or they don’t know the whole story. It was ugly on both ends and agent on for about 2 years too long. From my perspective.
I was obsessed, but it was the mental s*** she was doing to me. She was smart that way, I think she was smart enough and the type of person to actually study mental head games and know how to really really screw with someone’s head, in almost a sadistic way, and she would use it all on me and it worked. I actually believe that and I feel stupid to have been played and fucked with as bad as I was by her, I don’t consider myself a stupid guy, this opposite but she f****** got me good. I am smarter now, like I would not touch her with a ten foot pole but she burned me out. She literally fried a partkofnmy brain out. My point is, my obsession after she dropped me, she technically ghosted me, that just caused me to latch onto it and become obsessed and need something out of her. It’s her playing hard to get on someone you just had a close 3 year relationship with, who was actually needy at the time. I needed her.
That was not love on my part. I was actually mentally ill from it. Really mentally ill. Now, I did not seek help for it, at it’s peak, like when I have up, I was literally ready to check myself into a mental home, if that gives you any idea. Someone I know talked some sense intomme and talked me out of it. I dealt with her leaving by bettering myself and concentrating on only myself immediately after she left while I was obsessed, without being a stalker, just email, I had no idea where she was what she was doing married? Kids? No idea, I picked myself up partly to try to get her to come back, and I DID better myself but eventually I gave up, I just had it, like I said I came to a point where I wasnliterally going to the mental hospital for a few days…. the most important thing is I quit her and I’m never getting with her on any level ever again.
That was enough. And she was just starting out then. Luckily though, I don’t think anyone will ever get it as bad as I did from her. She was right at that age in a crazy young woman’s life, someone significant to her had to f****** die. So she could learn something, regret it and never do it again. I just happened to be that unfortunate son of a b**** and I was young then too. My life would probably be substantially better right now had I never gotten involved with her inna personal level. I believe that. My mentality would not have taken such a s*** kicking, that’s for sure. That’s not even a question and I probably would not have wasted so much time because I was just so mentally beat. I would be a better person and better off right now had we never gotten involved. I don’t regret meeting her, those circumstances I count as a plus k**** life at that time, and even current, I just wish it had never gotten personal.
Not saying you are wrong, for what you want. For me? No.