6 years
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I handed her her drink. “Thanks.” I gave her a look she knew pretty well. She smiled as she drank. “I mean thank you” and she drank again. “Your welcome” I said and emptied her bottle into her glass. “I do really like you.” She told me as I threw out the bottle and drank half of my own strong drink. I looked at her, stepped up to her, my tent not as big and obvious. I kissed her supple lips and pulled back to see her. So she could see me. “I really do like you too,” putting my hand to her soft cheek. “But my love, you are only 12…We, well mainly me, could get into some serious trouble! I could go to jail just for kissing you. Hell I gave you alcohol and kissed you. I could go to a real prison for a long long time for feeling the way I do for you, shoot!” “What? My parents let me have one or two wine coolers once in a while and,..and I wanted to, um I want to kiss you! I want to kiss you more! It was nice!” I had finished my drink and made another just as strong. Normally it would have been lighter. These were not normal times for us. She was looking at me intently. “It doesn’t matter it’s the law. Some people would think I’m a molester or, you know a, a perv after kids or something.” “A p********.” she said. “Yea one of those. And those people get killed or locked up for a very very long time! Or both.” She hopped down and took my hand, leading me outside to the back deck. They had two of those big, built for two lounge chairs and we got comfortable in the one farthest away from the house. After some quiet time she asked me, “So how do you…um how do you feel about me?” I gave it a moment of honest thought before I answered her without a word. I took her empty hand in mine and laced our fingers together. Then I kissed it. After a moment I said “I think that you are a mature, smart, funny and very attractive young lady not a kid. And I would like to get to know you even better than than I do now.” She smiled in the near darkness. “It may take some time for that.” Her small soft hand squoze mine strongly and she kissed my hand. “Okay.”

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Some of this i learned and processed years after when my mother told me. Even when i was an infant if i was crying or fussy she would fondle my g e n i t a l s to soothe me and take me to breast. Apparently even when she was trying to toilet train as a first reward system she would do it as a reward. When i was no longer bedwetting she had me sleep in her bed. She continued to brrastfeed me for many years, long past puberty. She did so to make me obedient whether it was good grades or chores or general behavior. When school first started it was neurotic so she escalated it. At some point that i remember from around 7 or 8 she would use her mouth as a special treat. She also said she did it because boys are dirty and bad. She said she did it to keep me from shaming or degrading myself. When hair began to grow on my body she kept me shaved because she said ikept me her cute little boy. She did not tell me this until i dreamt it but apparently overnight she would commonly at same general age have me lay on top of her and rub my p e n i s against her between her legs. These things happened commonly until the first time i e j a c ulated when she had her mouth on me. From that event on she would have me enter her and climax every morning and every night at bedtime. To her it was keeping me good and focused and making good grades all the way through college (local, lived with her). It continued until her age made it too difficult to do safely and she eventually had of her in home caretakers serve as her surrogate for higher pay. I still see that caretaker since my mother died and i continue to oay her to visit her several times a week. I have never dated or been with any other women. Mother got me addicted to infantile headspace s** for control and i have no ability to be attracted to or date or have relationship,s** because i am helplessly trapped in that whole messed up mommy mentality.