I F****** HATE COLLEGE. I DONT WANNA TALK ABOUT IT. Why can no one understand that the very thought of having to take an exam just to enter a place where you’re supposed to learn is RIDICULOUS???? I want to learn alright?? I want to learn the things I love BUT YOU WANT TO KNOW THAT IM DUMB WITH OTHER THINGS??? YOU’RE JUDGING ME BECAUSE I CANT DO THESE BUT CAN YOU SEE YOU’RE TURNING A BLIND EYE TO WHAT I ACTUALLY CAN DO AND HAVE THE PASSION TO KNOW MORE.
IM SO CLOSE TO ANXIETY ATTACK EVERY SINGLE TIME. I SEE MYSELF KILLING MYSELF WHEN WE TALK ABOUT THE FUTURE. I HATE THE FUTURE BECAUSE YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME.
“How do you see yourself in 5 years?” F*** YOU I DONT KNOW OKAY. That’s why I’m doing my best today because I am enjoying the present on my own. I want time for myself to grow and do my own discoveries BUT YOU, YOU F****** B****** wants me to f****** know my future already. I DONT SEE ANYTHING IN MY FUTURE. ITS NOTHING. ITS F****** WHITE LIGHT BURNING MY EYES. ITS F****** TEARS DROWNING ME EVERYTIME WE TALK. EVERYTIME YOU ASK ME WHAT DO I WANT TO BE SOMEDAY, YOURE ONLY BEGGING ME TO LIE SO YOU CAN HEAR THE THINGS YOU WANT BUT NOT THE THINGS I NEED.
You don’t f****** understand. I have today and it’s slipping through my fingers like sand. “I don’t know” has always been the answer to the questions you asked me, but one thing I want, JUST ONE F****** THING is that you understand the fear I have. I don’t know what will happen when I did my best in college entrance exams, but I hope you understand that maybe it’s not for me. I don’t even know what course I’ll be in, so I hope you understand that maybe it’s just self-growth. I don’t have a f****** clue of what the future has for me and I don’t see it with what I’m doing today. There’s nothing in it, so please PLEASE F****** UNDERSTAND THAT I JUST DONT KNOW.
F*** YOU. I HATE YOU. I JUST WANNA F****** DIE JDKDNSKEKXJSKEISJEHXKAOQOWWOIDIQOWKSJQNEIDJWDHISEBFJWNEJSUSH3UDIQJ2IDJQJROSL3N
