Not telling anyone that i’ve been breaking down and wanting to cut myself for too long now while she makes fun of me for the mistakes I make because of my emotional condition. Because she doesn’t know what’s going on. Taking it because I think I deserve it but missing how it used to be with her. I feel like i’m dying. I can’t look at her without wanting to cry.

You three were everything and he took that away. My family is f****** crazy, you three were my stability. Now one of you even talk to me. I’m an insecure bag of mess so it’s enough to send me off the deep end. I should just fight him, he’s a total jerk and i’ve been not blaming him because of his disability but his whole mess and what I learned about how criminally insane my family is has just sent me off the charts with losing my mind. I tried not to care what you think. It didn’t work and I still want to off myself. I’m only not doing it just in case it would hurt you more. And you have that kid to worry about. My existence has just been pain. I hope it has some sort of purpose. What you think I did isn’t what I did. I am in pain for other reasons. Going flat doesn’t cover it. I’ve been unable to think, focus, and sit alone without crying. I wish I could talk to you but i’m tired of burdening you with my mental issues. And so suffer some more I shall. Why do I love you so much? I am angry at myself for it but you’re all i’ve got that isn’t too far broken. It makes me willing to suffer this way for your convenience. I just wish I could vaporize out of existence.