sorry if this is really dramatic but i just really needed a place to rant. thank you

hi mrs

im really sorry about all my missing assignments. i cant keep up. its just so hard. ive really been finding it hard to stay motivated. im just so tired of everything and im so fed up with myself. why cant i do all this stuff everyone else is doing so easily. why am i struggling so much while everyone is doing just fine. why. whats wrong with me. am i just being lazy? dramatic? at times, i can’t even manage to feed myself. god im such a disappointment. i am struggling. and it hurts so much. i hate it. i hate the constant judgement i get from my parents. i hate the not feeling enough. i hate bursting into tears every second. i feel so numb yet so hurt. i hate it so much. i already receive enough criticism from myself. every time i open up, i get ignored. its not their fault. they just dont see things the way i do. i feel so alone. i feel so empty and im hurting. nothing feels the same anymore. everything just hurts. it hurts so much. im sick of feeling this way yet i feel so much comfort. theres something about just laying there, in the darkness. it is where we end up anyway, right? we all go on our own. why not start now? maybe that way i can finally be okay at something. maybe ill finally be okay.

im drowning. please help me.