Not for the first time but definitely for the last time over the last 10 years, she broke me today. Emotionally and physically. I have been helplessly drawn to her for over 10 years and longed for her so relentlessly for all that time too. And have only barely ever kissed/laid a hand on her. But she has stood me up for the last time with yet another of her endless excuses. I knew this last standup was coming so it was one of those rare times I will actually yell at myself in my head that i f****** knew it. Even I can only keep getting kicked and rejected and left hanging despite how she claims I mean so much to her and how she longs for us to share the dark physical urges we each carry. I suppose I should thank her for finally giving me the ability to kick myself in the a**. Even though I know within a few weeks she will be coming back for more of the nothing we actually share.