M*********** Tips All Women Should Know
Refinery29 UK
Refinery29 UK
Jan 19 · 5 min read

By Kasandra Brabaw
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Imagine you’re at a party and a friend asks, “Who’s the best s** you’ve ever had?” Lisa Finn, a s** educator for B*******, wishes that every woman would be able to answer “me.” Because no one will ever do you like you do you.

“If you can find a way to hone in on your own pleasure, then you can take care of yourself for the rest of your life,” she says. That’s a superpower as far as we’re concerned. What’s more, getting to know your own body through solo s** will make s** you have with a partner so much better because you’ll actually be able to tell them what feels good.

“A lot of folks don’t know what feels good for them,” Finn says. “M*********** is an opportunity to get to know your body without any pressure to please someone else, or to worry about what you look like or sound like.” It’s a chance to really explore what you like, without any restrictions.

Which is why we’ve talked to experts like Finn and Jessica O’Reilly, PhD, host of the @SexWithDrJess podcast, for all the m*********** tips women (that includes transgender women) should know. Keep in mind that even expert advice won’t work for everyone, though, because you’re the only expert on your own body. Instead, Dr. O’Reilly says to use this advice as inspiration to try new things.

There is no finish line.

As a s** educator for B*******, Finn is often telling people not to m********* like they have to accomplish something. (The same could be said of partnered s**, btw.) You don’t have to have an o***** for any type of s**, even m***********, to be successful. And, for some people, the pressure to finish can put up a mental roadblock that’ll make an o***** pretty much impossible anyway. So instead of worrying about whether you will or won’t come, focus on how good touching yourself feels.

Don’t go straight for the c***.

There’s a tendency for women who have vulvas to immediately try stimulating their c******* when m***********. But Finn wants you to break that habit, and start taking the time to turn yourself on first.

“Foreplay isn’t just for partner play,” she says. Your body needs to warm up, and taking the time to touch yourself elsewhere will actually make it feel so much better when you do get to the c***. “Pull your own hair, scratch your thighs, pinch your n******,” Fin says. “This will get blood rushing and nerves sparking and get your c******* ready for touch.”

Remember: “Your biggest s** organ is between your ears.”

This is a direct quote from B******* co-founder and all around sexpert Rachel Venning. While many may not think of the brain as a s** organ, it’s wildly important in the first step of any pleasurable s***** encounter: getting turned on.

Finn suggests finding p*** that works for you (we have some suggestions here) or looking into written erotica. And Dr. O’Reilly wants you to remember that sometimes the best erotica comes from your imagination. “Whether you fantasise about a romantic afternoon in a sunny field or a rough encounter with four strangers, allow your mind to wander into unchartered territory,” she says.

There’s more to your c*** than what meets the eye.

Let’s talk about the c***. Many women know that it’s the “hot spot” of the v**** with more than 8,000 sensitive nerve endings. But did you know that it’s actually much larger than it appears? The little nub, or “button,” on the top of your v**** is just the tip of the iceberg, Finn says. The whole c******* is shaped like a wishbone, and most of it is actually internal.

What that means for your solo s** life is that you should probably get a little more adventurous. Instead of just playing with the tip of the c*** (the part you can see), try stimulating the whole thing by teasing the sides of your v****, drifting your fingers along the labia, and using broad strokes with your fingers or a v******* over the whole v**** to build blood flow and tension.

Take your time.

M*********** isn’t only something you do when you have a spare 5 minutes (though there’s nothing wrong with a quick solo-sesh when you want one). “M*********** is a type of s**. It’s an intimate experience, and you should take time for yourself,” Finn says.

If lighting candles or taking a hot bath or putting on s*** underwear is what gets you in the mood, then do it. And make sure to rid yourself of distractions. Lock the door, put your phone on “Do not disturb” mode (Finn suggests telling your friends that you were taking a nap), and stop worrying about how many emails are in your inbox.

Experiment — with your body and with positions.

Just like bodies, every v**** is different. So even if you take the time to study vulvar anatomy diagrams, you don’t necessarily know what your own v**** looks like. You just know the basic arrangement.

That’s why Finn suggests taking a tip from ladies of generations past (you know, the ones who used to throw women’s empowerment parties to look at their own vulvas vis-a-vis Fried Green Tomatoes) and using a hand-held mirror to take a peak. Pro-tip: If you don’t have a hand-held mirror the camera on your phone also works.

Some people with vulvas have a little flap of skin that covers the c***, Finn says. It’s called a clitoral hood and if you have one and it’s movable, she suggests experimenting by touching yourself over the hood, under the hood, and wherever else it feels good to touch. For all people who have vulvas, regardless of your clitoral hood situation, taking the time to learn your own anatomy will improve your s** life tenfold.

“Actually seeing where you’re touching can make it easier to find hot spots,” Finn says. “It’ll give you the ability to direct your partner by saying ‘a little higher’ or ‘a little to the left’ when you have s**.”

Dr. O’Reilly also suggests experimenting with different positions. “Just as you make an effort to get creative and keep things fresh with a partner, so too can you change things up during solo play,” she says. As you switch it up, you’ll likely find that certain positions will make your same old moves with a v******* or your fingers suddenly feel different — and in some cases, way more intense.
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