We Added Some Details to Getty Photos of Those Terrorists Who Stormed the U.S. Capitol
Gotta know thy enemy!
LEVEL Editors
LEVEL Editors
2 days ago·4 min read
The Capitol Police might have gone easy on the domestic terrorists who stormed the U.S. Capitol on Wednesday, but the internet gladly stepped in. On Reddit, Twitter, and elsewhere, folks have been archiving the terrorists’ livestreams to identify them — and to make sure that the evidence lives on even after the idiots realize they’ve incriminated themselves in a federal crime and try to delete their uploads. Noble work? Damn skippy. And to do our part, we thought we’d help by identifying the folks captured in many of the newswire photographs that came from the Stop the Steal rally and the ensuing insurrection.
You know the flicks we’re talking about: the guy with the Confederate flag walking through the hall; the yahoo with his feet up on Nancy Pelosi’s desk; the woman getting escorted carefully down the steps by a cop like she hasn’t just participated in some action-movie-level b*******. See, most of the captions that come with those photos are minimally descriptive: “Thousands of Donald Trump supporters storm the United States Capitol building following a Stop the Steal rally on January 6, 2021, in Washington, D.C.” The world needs to know who these people are, so we went digging. Are these really their names and circumstances? Nope — but that’s not going to stop us from thinking they are!
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Photo: Win McNamee
“I haven’t felt this exhilarated since Arby’s brought back White Cheddar Mac & Cheese!” said Roy Dungle, who livestreamed his treason on CaucasianDadNews. “Tell Berleen that ol’ Roy’s on his way home for some wildly unsatisfying s**!”
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Photo: Robert Nickelsberg
(L-R) Karen Roberts, Karen Van Der Wolff, and Karen ‘Karen’ Glibbons pose with a sign that even they admit means nothing. “We just want everyone to have a tree, even if the socialists outlaw Christmas,” said Glibbons before running off to interrogate a non-White person walking on a nearby public thoroughfare.
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Photo: Spencer Platt
“I’M VERY AFRAID,” roared Scott Innsbruck of Stumpy’s Corner, Arkansas, getting ready to smash windows with a group of other men with beards. “I DON’T HAVE CRITICAL THINKING SKILLS, AND MY TRUST AND FEAR ARE EASILY TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF! GET YOUR MICROCHIP VACCINE OUT OF MY ARM, BILL GATES!”
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Photo: Robert Nickelsberg
Jesse “Barista” Taylor takes off his gas mask in order to more efficiently inhale the aerosolized Covid-19 particles spewing from the spittle-flecked maws of his terror pals. “I did it!” he crowed. “I did what daddy wanted, and he said I was special!”
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Photo: Jon Cherry
Vendors who would identify themselves only as “Nah” and “Stop asking me questions before you get your a** kicked” sell merchandise near the Capitol. “I ain’t into any of this s***,” said Nah. “But these stupid motherfuckers buying $100 sweatshirts are putting me through college.”
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Photo: Olivier Douliery
Two Capitol Police officers confer in the aftermath. “That was fun, glad I could get the time off,” said Lt. Alan Haversham to his colleague, patrolman Dan Barrow. “Thanks for going easy on us. Drinks with the Proud Boys later?”
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Photo: Saul Loeb
(L-R) Madison Littlefield, Dylan Stubbs, and Grant “Yeet” Jenks try to figure out how to use the phone in Nancy Pelosi’s office. “Where’s Alex Jones when you need him?” Littlefield asked in frustration, jabbing at the keypad.
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Photo: Win McNamee
The Maddox County Auxiliary Club confers after gaining access to the Senate Chamber. What was this all for, exactly? What did they think was going to happen? Where are the truckloads of stolen votes? Where’s the child-trafficking s** cult? They pause. They sigh. They refuse to look each other in the eye. Then one by one, they turn and leave — secure only in the knowledge that a country that is built to coddle their fragile xenophobic worldview and privilege them above all others will agree to forget this ever happened. U-S-A! U-S-A!
Me: The trouble with this little adventure, is that 4 people died and the Republican idiots who were part of this, each have the same problem, by being there – when any person is killed, the person who did it is automatically Guilty, as are all of those who took part in the demonstration, because they were witnesses and party to the deaths of all those who died, whether they were the actual shooter, or not.
So in a court of Law, they could all, easily, be put in prison for a significant number of years, irrespective of the parts they played in that uprising.
With CCTV and endless recordings time, investigators can track people back to when they put on masks, or hid their faces and then all they have to do is face match from social accounts, via a picture matching computer program and everyone gets “done”, like a dog’s dinner.
What might have been fun at the outset, is not anymore – I bet you.
My advice, if you are questioned is say “no comment” and make the Law prove their cases against you, with no input from you, but you can also shift the blame to Trump and say you would not have been there, if it was not for him and his orders, which you interpreted to be – what you all eventually did.
Why go down and leave Trump home free – share the blame, if blame there is and any punishments too.