i am emotionally numbed. i have a boyfriend whos a few years older than me and naturally would be who i would look for as a potential partner, but i have no feelings for him. we’ve been dating for 2 months and we’ve done almost everything that normal couple do…. but i feel nothing. i tried to ask my mum for help but her advice was “wait until he’s at least kissed you” to “wait till you’ve had at least a few kisses” to “wait till you’ve had s**” and honestly if i don’t feel anything when they’ve kissed me i don’t think it’ll improve if i sleep with him.

but that’s not all.

about a month into this relationship i went out with another guy who liked me, and i decided ‘hey go on a date with him, maybe ill like this guy’ and so i did…. same result, but it was frustrating because this second guy was closer to my age, smart and rich…not that the latter matters but the very least i could’ve felt greedy you know? but i didn’t even feel inclined to go on a second date.

and if cheating on the honest man with a rich one wasn’t convincing enough for me to realise i was numbed. i met an old classmate that i remembered liking in high school, he had grown his hair out and taller but otherwise was still the same…so what did i do? i went on a date with him. Now i don’t know if it was just me trying to convince myself there’s something there or not, but i think i actually felt a connection between us, i was actually eager to see the guy and i enjoyed every moment of the company.

Then there was new years eve. My boyfriend wanted to take my to his best friends sister barbeque to introduce me because they were so close it was like she was his sister to him, so that event was going to be the next important moment in the relationship. The guy i had just started seeing also invited me over to his for a barbeque with him and his friends.

Now i don’t like barbeques, but there was no way this b**** wanted to be along on new years. So it was either:

1.spend it with the man i was starting to get annoyed with because i wasn’t feeling anything in the relationship and some other woman who will like me until i finally slip up and the she’ll hate my guts along with almost every other family member I’ve been introduced too.

or

2. spend it with a man i might actually have feelings for and find out a bit more about him from his closest companions without the worry of needing to give a great first impression.

yeah of course i went with the second….but that didn’t go quite as i planned.

so i was the first to arrive, and surprise! i was introduced to his parents who just happened to stop by. Then i was given a tour (which i enjoyed) and a