I want to die. I want to kill everyone I know or love. I never feel like im going to be enough. I wish my rope hadn't broken 3 years ago. Im so goddamn

6 years

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I want to die. I want to kill everyone I know or love. I never feel like im going to be enough. I wish my rope hadn’t broken 3 years ago. Im so goddamn fat even my f****** noose couldn’t support me. I have nothing going for me and I doubt I ever will. Im a dropout with low self esteem who tries to act cool in front of others, but in reality im just a fat, lazy slob of a “young man”. I can’t even keep my girlfriend happy anymore and I hate it so goddamn much. I hate myself and everyone around me, no matter how much I love them. Ill never do it but sometimes I have thoughts of taking my anger out on anyone and everyone I come across and then finally ending it. It will never happen but its some kind of sick, twisted fantasy that I’ve had every now and then. I hope therapy helps me. I really hope that I can overcome this. If you’re struggling, please seek help and take care of yourself in these hard times. Learn from others mistakes and be kind to yourself and others.

New Confession

It’s getting worse now I’m receiving calls from guys warning me about going by a certain area then in graphic detail he describes what’s due to happen and it’s horrible knowing what is coming before it does and how you’re going to suffer through it. Some people find it hallarious and welcome it, while some of us go through the details of the fear and direction of humiliation knowing you have no control power over s*** but know it’s guaranteed to happen. Your d*** is the star from beginning to end and the words of degration are pummeling with embarrassment. Being manhandled against your will in the middle of a crowded park. Some of the people there know you personally. They looked up to you as a model friend and now your reputation is being distinguished. No longer looked up for but down at. Damn!

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I’ve been touching my sister while she sleeps, at first just touch her over her sheets, but every time I was bolder and want to do more, after years of been in her bedroom I began to know her sleeps habits and now I know in what moment she is in her fall sleep and I’ve been able to undress her and to touch her entire body, a year later after I had her fully naked I began to finger her p**** and to kiss her breasts and n******. I remember the first time I lick her p**** and her c*******