GHere’s the thing, I’m not in denial, that why I’m F****** INSANE. When I was in denial for 2 years I didn’t unintentuinally starve myself and refuse to sleep like I’m doing now. I didn’t desperately try dehumanizing people so that I could excuse doing terrible things to them. I was eating healthy and in the best shape kf my life when I was in denial.. They wanted a monster… so I gave it to them. The name of the game is self destruction baby. My life is meaningless and that really pisses me off. If I blamed myself for all my problems and the consequences of my actions instead of a scapegoat I’d have already slit my wrists or blown my brains outs, so I do whatever I have to do to trick myself involving another day, even if its for revenge, even if I’m well aware what I’m doing. I need control.