I never knew I could love someone sooo deeply. I never knew the idea of sex could be a dream. I have been horribly battered by men. I am just now learning

6 years

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I never knew I could love someone sooo deeply. I never knew the idea of s** could be a dream. I have been horribly battered by men. I am just now learning to trust again. To let a man touch me. My spirit. If not my body yet. But I understand why some people turn the other way. Pain can twist the most fragile mind. S** is the one way to heal or violate someone. I can’t remember truly feeling so healed in a long time. Oh I still have struggles. Thorns. But I know who I am. And I think I know who I belong with. Oh he isn’t a perfect man. lol Far fronm it. Its just that together we are very well suited. he has become a very beloved friend. He is someone I feel very comfortable talking to. I hope I do marry him. I know life comes with no guarantees. I just know he makes me happy. I think I make him happy to.

There was a time. (after I was molested and raped) I wondered if I would ever be normal. (or Straight) I never let anyone touch me. I just craved a gentle touch. I had given up on most men. But I has a spark of hope. A spark of faith that God had a plan.

I never imagined I’d meet a real gentle soul. He is a dream come to life. I can’t say i’m not scared. I am. But i am more scared to not try. And see where he and I can go.

He started out as a friend. It grew into more. I didn’t plan it. It just happened. I sure love him. He is a wonderful man. Flawed. Imperfect. Screw up. Messy. But when he smiles. I just feel a sense of joy. Its hard to explain. I love him.

I dont know if I am destined to be his. I just know…God sent him into my life to heal my very shattered and broken soul. He happens to be a prayer warrior. he prayed i’d be healed. Though he didn’t know what that healing would be for. Ah. mysterious ways of God.

I just give thanks for the mysteries of fate and god.

Thank you

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So my very first lesbian s***** experience happened with an adult female, a friend of my aunt, when I was almost eleven years old.
She and I had a conversation that very quickly turned s*****, about m***********. I had Qs that she answered and admitted she had been doing since she was my age and well, there was just something e***** about it that aroused me so that when she initiated contact I just completely went along with it because it just felt so unexplainably natural to me.
We had completely naked in bed s** in her apartment and omg I was so willing. She gifted me my first o***** that was not DIY! LOL
It was not easy keeping our very inappropriate relationship secret, both of us knew that discovery would have been an absolute disaster. I fully did participate in planning pretexts to be together as often as we could. It went on intermittently and very discreetly for well over a year. It stopped abruptly when my mom got a bit suspicious and I just totally chickened out.
I came out to my family & friends as lesbian after high school but omitted how s******* active I was as a child for very obvious reasons. My parents AND my aunt, still have no idea it happened and we both got away with it. 🙂