Jasper is my rugged veteran older neighbor down the hall who I chat with occasionally. When I saw him today he said he wanted to ask me something. “Corvallus now you know Im not bi or queer” he started “but brother it’s been ages since I had a real balls to the chin, toe curling, full completion s*** off”

“Say no more” I said. I invited him inside and pulled his sweatshorts down to reveal a salt and pepper frontbush that was one of the most fragrant I’ve ever experienced (the bouquet was sandalwood, lilac, tobacco and myrrh).

I took Jasper’s bulbous head into my mouth and began sucking it while stroking his growing shaft and stretching his ballbag out.

Like many straight or bi curious men Jasper was very aggressive and verbally abusive, “s*** that c*** you f***** cocksucker!” He shouted as he pulled my head down onto his c*** “s*** me mouthwhore!” Jasper bellowed.

As he creamed my throat his legs shook and he yelled “ugh F*****!!!” just then my landlord Mr Angeleno was walking by outside and he looked in the window and saw me milking Jasper.

My landlord has seen me doing sleazy stuff before and I’m worried he won’t renew my lease. Maybe I’ll have to grease Mr Angelenos grundle as well!

Peace & Bhole Grease,

—CORVALLUS