Jazmine and Aaron. I spied on their relationship through his account because he took over my weeb profile on facebook. I’ve been two-faced. I told him to end it multiple times. I’ve seen it coming.
I saw how they acted and their relationship was toxic. I should’ve stepped in, should’ve done more. I knew it from the day she said she ‘shot the glass’ back in our psychology lesson. I knew the dread I felt wasn’t just me being an overprotective friend of him. I felt it coming. That’s why it was so hard to force a smile. So hard to say I was kidding when I said I’ll kill her if anything happens to him. So hard to hug her and comfort her as she cried. I knew it wasn’t going to end well.
It’s my fault. I was a catalyst. I shouldn’t have helped them pushed their relationship further. I should’ve just. F****** done something. He’s gone now. I can’t take that s*** back. I’m sorry to all our friends and his family. We’ve all lost a good person because I decided not to do anything about what I knew was going to go downhill.
It’s been a while but this will always plague me. I’m living in a constant cycle of hate and resentment. I’d dream about that girl once a week, where I’m trying to convince her about something and she’d act arrogantly, and we’d argue. I’d bring him up every time. I f****** hate how it feels. I just relive this f****** confrontation I wish I had before over and over in a dream. A part of me wants to be happy, to think that I’ll go here and write, “Hey bro! It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’m glad to tell you that I’m doing so much better now. I’m still a bit depressed, still skipping a bit of schoolwork, but I’m proud to say I’m improving. I’ve got a lot of new friends now, and I’ve found someone to care about me like how I always wanted. I hope you’re doing well there, I know you’re not suffering anymore.” It’s just. Not. It.
Everytime I think if you I just feel hateful. To you, her, and myself. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I don’t like the idea of failing to save you, when that’s what I always promised to do. Ugh. My friend tells me it’s not my fault. But I could’ve done something. I wish I told you to stay. Told you to fight. Told you to stay strong. Told you I was there for you. Wish I hadn’t told Jade what I had. I’m f****** guilty, Aaron. I’m sorry for everything. I was a horrible friend to everyone before. I didn’t set my priorities straight. In your honor, I’ll do better now. I don’t wanna repeat the same mistakes. I’m just. Sorry.
I’m also sorry for invading your privacy, but at the time, it’s what we felt was right to do. I remember sitting with Xev, cracking your f****** password lol. You’ve always been a predictable kid, ngl. Xev is doing better too. We miss you a lot. We miss the old days.