I lusted after my younger male cousin when I was in late high school because I was desperate. And I actually feel s***** about it.
I went to an all girls high school and was rather desperate as I never had a boyfriend and I was boy crazy. I lusted after my cousin during that time while he stayed with us (came to Canada to study for a year or two).
This isn’t a fantasy unlike some people… ahem. Anyway, it was rather embarrassing. My parents were also abusive verbally and physically at the time and he witnessed some of that which added more to the embarrassment, but I guess it’s part of the culture (they are not like that now due to factors).
I feel bad about it because all my relatives/extended family is in the other country and all my cousins (many btw) are of varying ages (mostly older) and this kid was around my age. We had some commonalities like gaming but I fucked up the relationship with my weird thoughts and short temper. I wish I was more of an older sis to him.. but instead I let my own issues get in the way. So anyway… we aren’t in touch anymore and I don’t know my extended family. I feel kind of sad about all that.
But due to family illness…. we are all going to know each other again, maybe. I know 2 out of my 7 aunts will come once Covid is less impactful of the flights.
Ugh, lust is stupid. Hormones are just plain dumb. I hope I can make it up to him one day and we can be real cousins/friends.