6 years
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i was stupid and selfish and somehow didn’t even see how stupid and selfish i was being.
i was so in love… more in love than i’d ever known possible, and i honestly believe that she loved me just the same. but by selfishness… my drinking, my gambling… my promising to stop but never actually putting any effort into fixing my behaviour spelled the end.

now i’ve been sober for well over a year and have spent four years active in helping others with gambling recovery.
but none of that will ever help me recover what i chased away. i lost the love of my lie. not a moment passes that it isn’t burned into my soul that my selfishness is the only thing to blame for ruining the happiness i’d had every opportunity to enjoy.

i know i will never have her again, but i will always love karla engdahl.

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