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a guilt
6 years
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i was stupid and selfish and somehow didn’t even see how stupid and selfish i was being.
i was so in love… more in love than i’d ever known possible, and i honestly believe that she loved me just the same. but by selfishness… my drinking, my gambling… my promising to stop but never actually putting any effort into fixing my behaviour spelled the end.

now i’ve been sober for well over a year and have spent four years active in helping others with gambling recovery.
but none of that will ever help me recover what i chased away. i lost the love of my lie. not a moment passes that it isn’t burned into my soul that my selfishness is the only thing to blame for ruining the happiness i’d had every opportunity to enjoy.

i know i will never have her again, but i will always love karla engdahl.

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Hello I am the man who has a compulsion to put objects in my b*** to simulate g******. I have often in the past sworn it off more times than I can count. I’ve confessed it to my priest over and over. The truth is I just like the feeling but the more I accept myself the less of an allure it has. So I slipped and did it again today. I use a smooth painted garden rake handle that I prop up and then back myself into it. I try and resist but I’ve come to accept that only Jesus can save me. It was not very satisfying even though I tried it to be and fucked myself good. I just did it a while and got a little prostate fluid out then I quit. It’s not that great anymore. So that’s my confession. Today is July 1 and it’s the last time. BTW I need to find a better outlet for stress and s***** frustration.

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