I've been with the same guy for several years even after losing every romantic feeling I have for him. He was totally emotionally disconnected from me

17 years

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I've been with the same guy for several years even after losing every romantic feeling I have for him. He was totally emotionally disconnected from me for a long time; to cope, I eventually disconnected from him in turn. But I stayed with him, simply because I was afraid I wouldn't find anyone better. Said boyfriend is already NOT a good father figure to my daughter from a previous relationship, and everyone I know says that I've been settling on this guy. I guess I feel so badly about myself that I never thought anyone better would have me, you know? Who cares if my boyfriend is fat, lazy, and honestly kinda smells bad? He loves me and that's all that matters, I told myself. He'll stay with me.

Unfortunately, I've now met & become very good friends with someone about a million better, and he is definitely at least sort of interested in me. This is a guy with a real decent-paying career-related job, no grime under his fingernails, close ties to his family, and similar interests to me. It's opened my eyes to the fact that, yes, there ARE better men out there, and I'm questioning what I've been doing for the last 3 years staying with this guy who I haven't had romantic feelings for in a long time.

My new guy friend and I flirt ALOT. We can talk for hours on end about nothing. We don't agree on everything, but we agree on everything big & important. I think he's adorable and he thinks I'm beautiful. But we both watch our boundaries because he knows I'm not single.

My boyfriend and I never had this kind of connection. But he's been around since my daughter was 6 months old. She even calls him "daddy" so I have no idea what to do.

New Confession

So, one time I told my mom that I wanna buy a lollipop, I was 17 that time. My step brother then asked if he could come my mom and I agreed. Me and my step brother let’s just call him Daniel. Daniel the both of went out to buy. We bought a few things lollies and he said he wanted a beer, so I bought one for him. But on the way home walking he asked saying “I have a lollipop why would you buy one?” I looked confused. But I just said I like the strawberry flavored more. he then asked if we could go somewhere for awhile, I agreed cuz’ why not, The house is boring anyway. We went to this secluded area it’s dim but not to dark. No person is walking at that time because it’s night a bit late. We sat down on the bench right beside each other. around probably 5 minutes passed, he took my hand and hovered at top of his “DIH’ it was hard, very hard. my hand is not inside yet. He spoke “you make me this hard everyday.” mind you he was 22 at that time. I sat down still, I didn’t move one bit and just let him do what he wants to. then, he puts my hand inside and helped me stroke his “Dih” I stroked it, he started moaning softly minutes passed like that, he spoke after “Can you s*** for me?” I nodded, because what can I do? I sucked his dih and he exploded on my mouth. I thought it was done and he told me to swallow so I did. after that we didn’t tell mom nor dad it’s our little secret. that was 6 months ago, and now we both sometimes do it when we are alone.

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