I’m bored, scared and excited. I feel like my life is stagnant. It isn’t a bad life, it is comfortable, but stagnant. Maybe I need constant adventure? Everything is so plain. And, my man doesn’t do anything to make it electric. Life should be simple and slow. No, life should be fun and I should be living it. We are young and we don’t do anything. We don’t have a lot of money, but can go for a nice walk and watch the sun set for free. Everything has to be calm and controlled. I hate it. I want some passion, I want fun, I want laughter. It’s been a long time since I laughed. I feel like music has left my life. I’m scared because I know life will change soon. It’s going to change because I’m changing. I do love him and I don’t want to hurt him ever. Ever, but these feelings are coming back that I’m not satisfied with life. I want something more. I’m excited because I know things will change. I have the possibility to get passion and electricity back in my life, but I’m scared it will take a long time and I’m scared I’ll be alone. I want love in my life. I mean, I want someone that loves me and loves life. I want us to cheer each other on and make each other happy. I want us to bring music to each other’s lives. I’m simply not getting that now. It’s not going to change. The only thing is that I change and then things will change. I keep thinking I’m here in this moment, before the change. I know it’s coming and I don’t want to deal with it. I just want it to happen and be done with it. I feel a bit mental because I want this. Last time I wanted this it involved another person. This time the only person is me. It’s scaring me….maybe it was really just me all along…
