f***, f***, f***. i’m so f****** jealous of them. they’re just friends, i know, but he spends so much time with him, and i know it’s over some dumbass s*** like video games but i still get so jealous. i would never show it though. i just smile and laugh and talk to my other friends while they go off doing whatever they want.
sometimes i blame myself because i know if i just stepped up and started a conversation then maybe we would talk more often, but he’s busy most of the time and the other times i’m simply too awkward, or i don’t know what to say. i don’t know what to do. sometimes i get the feeling he (the boy i’m jealous over) only hangs out with him because he pities him.
that’s dumb to say though, because i truly can’t and don’t know.
it just hurts that i’m the second choice, dude. i wish i could do something about it. i know i CAN, but it’s just that i can’t bring myself to. god dammit, i must be in love. but if love causes so much negativity like this, i’m not sure if i want it any longer.
