I’m a first time mom, but I’ve been a drug addict for 8 years, I tried to stop but I didn’t want to lose my baby’s daddy my husband I was afraid of losing him so I risked my unborn child’s safety over and over again, tried to commit suicide but didn’t want to harm the child 5 months post-birth I am caught in a typical addicts web of lies and there is no way out that I can see no one I can turn to tell the truth out of fear of losing my child, I might not deserve to even have him in some peoples eyes and maybe that’s ture I had no idea how strong addiction was till my theory that if a child was in the picture stopping wouldn’t be a problem, but there is always an excuse. and now I’m terrified and I’m trapped living this lie with my husband who I should have left a long time ago how do I get help without losing my son if I could just tell someone if I could just be honest and accountable I just have to break the cycle but I love him I gave birth to him he is me and I am his mother it fucks me up every single day especially at the end. every night I go to bed knowing I have failed another opportunity. so isolated so alone. so afraid.