Just now my mother tried to get into my room after I repeatedly told her to wait, but she wouldn’t take no for an answer so I asked what she wanted. It ultimately turnt out to be my grandmother, who was on the phone. Just before that happened I masturbated to internet p********** and was nearly completetely naked, which made me panic and feel even worse. The feeling of impurity and something chipping off of me is driving me towards madness. Everytime I do it I feel even more broken, but yet I can not resist the urge. I have a loving girlfriend and never want to lose her, but this feeling of guilt and loss of initial innocence starts to become unbearable. I don’t know, if I will eventually have to learn to deal with these feelings and accept myself for who I am but for now this task seems impossible.