I am in a loving 5 year relationship. My boyfriend is very caring, willing to do anything for me and so am I, but I have not been feeling the spark since the first year, but I told myself it would get better. It’s not really coming back, I get more excited thinking about another person and talking with them. My boyfriend does not deserve it and I feel terrible. He’s the only person I’ve ever been with, we got together when I was 14, I found out I am super curious and I want to explore more, but I’m just bottling it up. I find it unfair he got to date other girls and I didn’t get any other option, but he is also a super serious and nice person, that I would never want to lose. He’s told me how his life would be extremely s*** if I disappeared from it. It just hurts. I try to be mature and fight through it, but I think I will live an unhappy life. He’s hinting about marrying and it stresses me out, because I feel like he’s rushing my life. I sometimes wish something would make me disappear, because bottling it up hurts and I am a p****, and I can’t do anything about it. He might save himself from me that way.