so, i matched with someone on bumble and i'm a very open person and i always let people know how i am truthfully before them investing any time with me. i

6 years

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so, i matched with someone on bumble and i’m a very open person and i always let people know how i am truthfully before them investing any time with me. i basically told him i have a disorder where pain = good. and that i had r*** fantasies (like i said i’m very open person) and i do not advocate r*** or any abuse for that matter. we scheduled a time to hang out, i told him s** was not on the table, just a hang out and that’s it. we get there, and we’re alone (i’ve made a lot of mistakes, i know) and it was the first time i ever gotten high (both weed wise and alcohol wise) and he eventually raped me. i tried to shake my head no, i was too out of it to say anything. i know it’s my fault for letting a person know about me deeply as well as being alone/being inebriated, but that isn’t the bad part. i did most likely get pregnant (i was nauseous all the time) and took plan b, meanwhile i still had texted him. and then i invited him over two times again and actually consented both times. but it all hurt the same, and i gained nothing from it. i thought it’d give me a peace of mind to have some pleasure out of it, or to think if i was into it (although i was really reluctant) that possibly i’d gain from it. since it was my first time, that is. but he tells me that he likes me, and i guess wants to be with me romantically and he gives me attention so it makes me not want to block him. but i can’t see myself having feelings for him and i was a wreck for a long time afterwards. but it’s not abnormal for me to try and force my feelings onto someone as i’ve done it before (and it’s never worked out obviously.) but in a way i just want to force myself to like this person so it’d be all good in the end. and even that worries me, like what if he decides to break it off? and there’s a 4 year difference and i never had an actual relationship before. i feel like i am somewhat asexual for how much s** hurts or that everytime i begin liking a guy or anyone i quickly fall off of it. i don’t see him as a bad person, he seemed genuinely upset when i first blocked him saying he didn’t meean to traumatize me and i guess he didn’t know whether i wanted to keep going or not, although i shook my head the first time? it’s all very confusing, and this along with my mental issues doesn’t help. i just wanted to let out some steam and just, i don’t know, let the skeletons out my closet. thanks for reading if you made it this far. 🙂

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I went to a family BBQ this weekend at my Aunts farm. I was fascinated with all the animals. They had a pool and most of us just walked around in bikini tops and shorts. Mine were kind of short, but I liked the look and feel.

I was walking around the barn area to see the horses. My Uncle was feeding them and asked me to help and clean out a stall. I was happy to help, the horses were out of that particular stall. My Uncle entered and closed the door. I was cleaning up and bent over to scoop the stuff into a dust pan and into the can.

I felt my Uncles hands on my b***. He was telling me what a pretty girl I was, and how nice my b*** looked in these shorts. I said thank you and he pulled me closer, I was still bent over, and I could feel his hardness. He told me, he wanted to see me without my shorts on, and he quickly pulled them down before I could stop him. I was not wearing any underwear, and was fully exposed bare b***.

He moved me against the wall, my hands on the wall still bent over with him behind me. He already had undid his jeans and they were down around his ankles. I knew what was coming next. He pushed hard against me. My body betrayed me and I was already wet… he easily slid inside of me. I let out a cry, and he started pumping away. He was so much bigger than any of the boys I had dated.

I was so wet and he was so big, I did not complain, and let him do what he wanted. He was thrusting so hard and deep, I could feel his B@lls slapping against me with every thrust. I had multiple org@sms, my legs were shaking and my body was flush… then I felt him org@sm inside of me, it seemed to not stop and I could feel each spurt inside of me shooting against my insides. It was running out of me and down my legs as he continued his thrusting until he was finished.

He pulled out of me and left me there, legs spread and leaning against the wall soaked in wetness. I cleaned up and went back to the party. Still flush from the F#cking in the stall, people commented that I must have got some sun as the color looked good on me.

I saw my Uncle later, he never said a word, he just smiled and winked at me…