seisures of confusion and shaking I have panic attacks that cause shaking like as if I was having a fit, my head goes dizzy, confused and faint and I get

13 years

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seisures of confusion and shaking
I have panic attacks that cause shaking like as if I was having a fit, my head goes dizzy, confused and faint and I get scared in classrooms or trains or doctors or dentists. I doubt I could have an operation without a lot of mental preparation. the fear would send my heart rate and bp up ridiculously. I get a lock jaw and terrible twitching over anything.

as I have gotten older its gotten worse. so I avoid anything that frightens me like relatives or parties, certain people or places.
I often tell myself “this won’t work out or that won’t work out” with work or relationships. I feel like no man will love me now. Janmin b**** was right. no man will love me til I bark and gauge like a dog and have my c*** out on my hands and knees… doing a p*** film being raped and fucked. but should I bother for love then?

I am too old to care. I wanted a boyfriend to f*** with and have love and a baby and marriage and all those normal things back 25 years ago but the young men did not like me.

I suffer deep anxiety about love and panic. am I just only good to be raped on the street gutter and lick up the gutter slime? be a slime p*** b****!

have I lost sight of what is really important here…? s** and love don’t really matter much.

so I say stuff like “he won’t love me. no nice man will ever love me. I’m a dog, so get over it dog” and I go and find a new project to do and a new cute guy to like.

New Confession

Last week my aunty Vivian visited. I love netlike my own mom. How about a bath before lunch? She asked? Sure I said . I’ma 13 yr old girl but aunty does a “special” bath . Sometimes my mommy is in the room and sometimes Billy my step brother. O just close my eyes and enjoy. She fills the hot tub and I get in. Here sweetie. Sit on this soft seat. It only left my Fanny in a little water. She started at my feet. She knew I was ticklish and went slowly teeen each toe. Since my legs were spread open she slipped her soapy hands up my thighs to cup my peepee. Have to per sweetie? No aunty. Back to my feet. I loved her soapy hands on my feet. My peeee got all tingly. I dawmy little t****** n****** getting stiff snd rubbed my palms over my breasts. Your toes marking your. Peepee tingle a little? I’m hummed I said. Take a deep breath and hold it. I did so. Hrrr soapy hands on my slid up my leg, scratched my thigh a little, slid onto my peepee and quickly plunged up into my peepee hole. The hot hard pain speared my brain. Oooooowwweewwe I yelled.i lookkedddoen to see blood in the water. Auntys finger was deep inside my peepee hole. She was moving her finger in and out and out. O more pain. She them washed my t******, my Fanny, and I stood to dry. She held me close and whispered to me. Now your peepee is worth gold seeetie. Lots of gold.

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Misha, nobody wants to pay money to take life advice from an unemployed artist who thinks their hallucinogen use gave them the spiritual power to manifest. Get a grip, please. A seven week course makes you not a life coach.

Why do you think you are qualified to help people with anything? You’re not a healer or a coach or a therapist. You’re a fraud. You want the unicorn job so bad so you can feel better about yourself and your mediocre accomplishments. You do it out of ego, and it’s so obvious.