My friend asked me what is my goal in life, I never really thought about that. My plan was to follow my parents instructions, graduate, get a job and start a family. My friend said that it isn’t what I’m passionate about and asked me what I personally desire. I thought about it and i found out that I don’t particularly have any desires, only the guilt towards my family and everyone who has ever helped me to get where I’m now. If you told me I’d die tomorrow, I wouldn’t care. Living or dying have no meaning to me. It seems as though I should be a nun but that’d be hard for me since there are many rules; dying is better. I wish I’d die in my sleep or hit by a bus so that when I die my family would at least profit from me. Id better write a will that when I die, my organs could be sold and to transfer money to my family.

Love? Love my family? No I don’t love my family. I feel guilty that I don’t love them; even though they’re my parents. I should love them. It isn’t that they are horrible to me or anything, its just they aren’t cut out to be parents. Is Giving me a roof and support supposed to make me love them? I’ve never had bonds with them, for all I know they’re my benefactors. Feels like I’m floating aimlessly. There’s already too much people in the world, me dying is insignificant.

I don’t think I’m supposed to have midlife crisis when I’m 17