I alledgedly threatened my neighbor with a fake replica long submachine rifle. My neighbor is an elderly woman, I think 67.I was arrested that day, thencop at my door had a real gun pointed to my chest and told me to show him my hands. That is difficult when you are under a towel naked, ready to hop into the shower. I did not want them to see my breasts.
I was scared to death. I had a panic attack and an ambulance was called. When I reached out for someone to hold my hand because I was scared, no one held it. They shoved sedatives down my mouth whereas a simple, caring gesture of holding my hand would have made me feel secure, less alone, and less panicky- all medicine free.
I still have nightmares (this happened a few months ago). I am an outcast in the community now and am scared I won’t get a job. I want to thrive and grow as a person but no one will let me move on. I’m scsred- I could get up to four years in jail. And a relative told me the police officer should have shot and killed me. Maybe I’m not even human anymore- people don’t treat me humanely anymore. I am not worthy of love or happiness.