7 years
x
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There was this party at a friend’s house and (this may sound boring) I was just sitting down and reading some books about geography. I really enjoyed that and learned a lot of things. It was around 1:00 am and the party was slowly getting smaller by the minute. David (not real name) came to me and I followed him to the kitchen with my other friends. They were obviously planning something stupid and hilarious. But then Frank (not real name) suggested something freaky and definitely not funny. Frank dared James (not real name) to “get it” with Hannah (not real name). Richard (not real name) being the resourceful friend got some pills to do the trick. I was seriously not going through this if I knew someone was going to get hurt. They convinced me to be a part of it and since I’ve been with these guys for life, I agreed. Frank said I only needed to film their “business” so I said yes. James talked with Hannah and we helped him distract her while he slips the pills in her drink. We left them alone and waited for several minutes for his “magic” to take place. When it did, we led the both of them in the shed beside the backyard and we watched while he “you know” Hannah. Obviously she was wasted and we took advantage of that. But she wasn’t wasted enough and realized the situation she was in. They didn’t care and we restrained her to the floor. James ripped her clothes off and began (I should just say it) assaulting her from her chest to her private. Then he proceeded to penetrate and r*** her while she screamed in agony. We just laughed and I gagged her mouth to prevent her from shouting. Honestly, I didn’t LIKE that at all. The idea of violating a girl like Hannah bothered me. I PROMISE I DID NOT R*** HER I ONLY HELPED THEM WITH IT. Whenever I think of that night, her voice creeps in my head and yells at me for being a guilty little s*** like my friends. I seriously and I genuinely wanted to stop them when Hannah couldn’t take it anymore. She was crying so much and her whole body was shaking and sweaty and I felt like I could hear her voice clearly. I could tell from the gag that I put. The worst part was I recorded everything that happened and I still have that f****** video. She eventually passed out probably because of the trauma and when they were finished we just carried her to the bench. I’ve been seeing a therapist lately to seek some help. I opened up to him and he said to me what would I do if my girlfriend found out. What would she do if she found out. Then he told me to visualize an image in my mind that depicts me in front of Hannah in an empty room just the two of us. I want to drop down on my knees and cry. I REALLY want her to forgive me. I can’t live properly knowing I took part in doing that. I’m only 21! I want to see her personally and just let go of all the guilt and pain. Guys, please don’t judge me or think that I’m a bad person. I was convinced and they were my friends! I never wanted it to happen.

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