I am only 21 and iam feeling so bad now because of blackjack, I first got introduced to blackjack on my 18 birthday in a local pub, it had a blackjack table that the max bet was 10 euro, I was betting for 2 euro a hand and walked home with 30 euro extra. I kinda got addicted so i went home and played on the net a little that night.

1 year later when i was 19 I had money saved up around 10k euro, and I played blackjack and lost big for the first time -7k euro I felt so bad, was thinking about killing myself despite having 3k left cuz I was to scared of telling my mother what i had done, Even now Iam still living with my mother cuz where Iam from it very hard to find a place to live.

I told my mother and i saw how disappointed she was in that moment, but she was not very angry at me, she told me to just forget about it and stopp gambling. I stopped gamling after that.

2 years later, 1 month ago, I dont remember exactly why i started gambling again but I put in 500 euro in blackjack and lost it, then I got a panic that i have to get it back so i Put in 2k right after. and guess i was lucky that time I was actually winning alot, from the 2k i put in i got it up to 18k.

After it hit 18k I decided to stopp and take out the money, but i decided to leave 2k to contiune playing.

And it was after this that my life has become s***, it took 3 days for the money to come into my bank account, Before the money even come into my bank i already lost the 2k That i didt took out, and I put in more money to get it back, and i lost it again, repeat till I had like 1k in the bank.

Then the money that i withdrew actually got in my bank, i went straight and play and lost almost all of it, only 2k left.
I stopped playing for 2 weeks, with only 2k in my bank cuz i got to live too.

but then my payday came 3 days ago and I got 4k in the bank I went and played blackjack again and got it up to 10k, but because i was greedy i didt stopped and continue to play till I have 0 in my bank account. That the moment i knew I fucked, at this point I still havent told my mother anything and was too afraid to tell her, But i needed money to buy new sommer tiles so i knew i had to tell her, but i was to afraid to tell her, i could not do it.

So I instead took a loan of 1,5k and again straight to blackjack, and i got it up to 4k, now All would have been fine if only i had stopped plaing at that moment and payback the money i loan. But instead I continue to play and lost it all. at this point i felt so bad because now iam in debt for the first time in my life. I took more loan for 2k and again lost it all.

I fucked up, At that point I definitely didt have the courage to tell my mother, so i took another loan for 14k which got in my bank account yesterday and u guessed it, straight to blackjack and lost 13k.

Now I only have 1k in My bank and 20k in debt, 21 years old, living with my mom, Still havent told her anything. I dont know what to do, I feel so bad right now,
I know I can pay it all back in 3-5 years but just the fact that Iam in debt and havent told my mother is making me feel so bad.

I had plan to move out when iam 22-23 years old because at that time i would have had enough money to buy a apartment ( with bank loan ofc ) but now with debt I Dont even know if I will be able to get a bank loan. no loan mean i wont be able to move out because it IMPOSSIBLE to get a place without buying.
So if I cant get a loan it mean i will have to live with my mother for another 3-5 years which i will be 24-25 years old, And i know being that old and still living with your parent is bad.

Well sorry for the long text, maybe no1 will read this but i just wanted to say this somewhere.