I have been married to my husband for almost 20 years. Yesterday, I sat down in front of his computer and noticed that he had been receiving nude pics of

7 years

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I have been married to my husband for almost 20 years. Yesterday, I sat down in front of his computer and noticed that he had been receiving n*** pics of some woman half his age 2000 miles away. I also read the e mails and I can’t be too mad because he did mention to her that he would never cheat on me and they will never meet of have s**. Still, I was jealous of a girl younger than me with a better body sharing pics with my husband. We got into a yelling match and then he went to the s********* so I got mad and went to a gym near my house. I flirted a couple and it ended up going too far. I was making out with the guy while the woman was eating me out. I feel terrible about it now. We didn’t f***, but I still should have not shared my v***** with anyone else. I have also been noticing lately that I have been looking at women more and more. I never considered myself to be bi or gay, but women are starting to look better and better lately, and when that woman licked me yesterday, I enjoyed it. I am so damn confused now.

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I need to cry so badly but I cant. There is so much bad in my life this year. The tears just wont come though. I think I’m too damaged to cry. too numb.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.