I am a registered sex offender, have been on the registry since I was 20 years old. Now, I’m 40. I think I’m going to give up my search for true love. I

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I am a registered s** offender, have been on the registry since I was 20 years old. Now, I’m 40. I think I’m going to give up my search for true love. I guess I’m not meant to find my soulmate in this lifetime. Every woman I have ever dated has been cruel to me, except for the one who died from cancer at the age of 35. I was in a relationahip with her for 2 years and was there at the very end, holding hed hand and loving her. She may have been my soulmate. I remember our deep late night conversations, us looking into the other’s eyes so deeply, like we could see each other’s soul. Maybe those with terminial illness know better on how to treat people, and that life labels like “s** offender” are just pointless in the end.
But others I have dated upon learning of my history have said “you’re disgusting”, “your p**** is no good. I would feel contaminated with it just touching me”, “you are the scum of the Earth”, “your p**** should be tortured and cut off”, “you are a horrible person”. Years of this abuse has taken its toll on me. I just wish I had my Annie back, the one with cancer. She made my life wonderful and I hope I made hers wonderful for the short time on this earth we were together. I miss just laying in ned with her all day, hugging her. Her kissing my hands. She could make anyone she talked to feel like they were the only one that existed. I made a promise to her that after she passed, I would always leave my heart open and find love. Annie, I’m so sorry I’m not living up to that promise.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.