i think i just realized that i might be an insensitive d***. roughly 5 hours ago, my half-sisters sister posted something concerning about her brother, something along the lines of ‘id do anything to hug you or see you smile again’ (from her words, it seemed like the brother was only injured or pretty sick) etc. and then, about an hour ago my mum told me that he just died. she was in tears and sniffing and just looking over all terrible but i felt nothing – absolutely indifferent, maybe a tad down because of all the bad news racking up. she told me that i would go through stages – the first being shock, etc – and that if i needed to talk to her, she’d be there with a hand on my knee and hugging me and being comforting. but, i just… feel nothing about it. ive always been terribly shy and anxious and the brother and i have said like twenty words to each other so we never really got to know each other. oh, and my sisters, aunt died a couple weeks ago – again, we knew each other but not well.
as well as this, a couple months ago, my cousins big brother (so, my cousin) committed suicide and what do you know, the most i felt was concern for my cousin – who was basically a older sister to me.
maybe, im still going through shock?
god, the world today. bad news each and every day.
