I was raped when I was 18 by a male friend. As we’d had a casual relationship around that time, I put it down to him thinking he had a right and me being

7 years

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I was raped when I was 18 by a male friend. As we’d had a casual relationship around that time, I put it down to him thinking he had a right and me being over dramatic. It’s now years later and I’ve been getting flashbacks. I remember crying, telling him to stop. Stop. But he held me from behind and carried on with considerable force. I never saw him again. I learned he was in a motorbike accident and never walked again. I’m not looking for karma or revenge. I don’t know what to do with these feelings. How to box them up again. My husband doesn’t know. I don’t want to be a drama queen.

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I don’t think I’m going to survive much longer. I’m a failure, and I always will be. I’ll never be my own independent person and I don’t deserve to be. I should’ve gotten it over with years ago.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.