I am so mad that I let a guy walk over my life and control me for about three years. It started with him not liking one of my close friends, who was a

7 years

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I am so mad that I let a guy walk over my life and control me for about three years. It started with him not liking one of my close friends, who was a long distance friend and whom I’ve never met in person. I don’t remember much of what happened but he made me stop talking to him, which I know, I am stupid and should’ve gotten out of the relationship at that time to avoid further pain from him, but I was young and didn’t know what to do. Time went by and I would eventually text him and become friends with him again, and this happened twice of us on and off becoming friends because my boyfriend would always find out, yell at me and call me all of these stupid names and act like a whole child until I would give in and block my friend. I still regret choosing my boyfriend over my close friend of years who was there and would’ve been there for me no matter what. Then it went on to him not liking little things like what I was into, what artists I listened too and even how I dressed and dyed my hair. He also absolutely hated my friends because they smoked weed and then made me stop smoking weed, which was so stupid. He was and still is a self centered little p************ that was insecure of himself. My boyfriend at the time, whom is now my ex eventually broke up with me and said that he didn’t love me anymore, and after all of the b******* I put up with from him made me realize I was the stupid one for putting up with a little boy this whole f****** time for only a average sized d*** and mediocre love. It wasn’t worth all of the aggravation and yet I convinced myself months after we broke up that everything was worth it. I hate that I still deep down love and would’ve even went back into the relationship if he offered it (before, I healed and realized that I don’t love him anymore). I hate that I have to see him every single day of my life and wish he would just disappear out of my life, because he brought me so much pain and suffering, and I wish i wasn’t a p**** and got myself out of the situation before being heartbroken. Men ain’t s***.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.