I have fantasies about raping my girlfriend. The thought of hurting her turns me on and turns my stomach. I would never hurt her but I think about it. She

7 years

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I have fantasies about r***** my girlfriend. The thought of hurting her turns me on and turns my stomach. I would never hurt her but I think about it. She has a long history of abuse and I feel like a d bag for my thoughts about her. She tells me to use her however I want. What if what I want hurts her? I’ve gone too far with girls in the past. I don’t want her to be another.

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I used to go online, find girls to have online relations with. I was a teenager. It started from the start of high school, when I was 15. At worst was F, that was my bottom barrel. It was gross. I don’t know how old she was but she was younger. It was near the end, during the pandemic. I was older, she was younger. I don’t know how much younger, but I was 16 I think. She was younger. Like 2 or 3 years younger, I dunno? It was gross of me. I regret doing it but I fear my regret isn’t because of how I hurt someone, took advantage. They were ok with it in the moment, we were both on the same hookup site. But I was gross. No question about it. There was T too but that was a 16-18 age gap. I deleted the accounts. I was just gross.