I got drunk last night for my birthday party. it was with family and friends, and my step brother. We got drunk and we were talking in his room. He was sleepy and it started off as me complaining about him staying awake. “Come on don’t go to sleep” I pushed and I bugged him to stay awake. And suddenly after him saying no I wanna go to sleep I remember him saying just come lay with me. I barely have any recollection of the night. I remember we started kissing and then it was more. I have a boyfriend and we’ve been together for nearly two f****** years. We’ve been doing so well and I was so intoxicated that I did that. I can’t believe what I’ve done and I hate myself for it. I love my boyfriend and I don’t want to tell him I don’t want him to leave. But I feel like I don’t deserve him I fucked up and I love him so much I have a future planned with him. I want to go back. I’m left with bits and pieces of the memory of the night before and I cry about what I’ve done. I know what everyone will think I know what I think I know I don’t deserve sympathy yet I just feel like I was taken under advantage. My boyfriend doesn’t deserve that he gave me his heart, he gave me his trust and I fucked it all up. I want to go back. I want to not just think the word “no”. I should have said no I wanted to say no I remember wanting to say no. The words wouldn’t come out and I’m scared for what my future with my boyfriend will hold. I’m selfish and disgusting and I know it and I hate myself I don’t want my g******* step brother. I have always hated him around and suddenly it was that and I don’t understand how or why. He had way less to drink and yet we did what we did. I’m so sorry babe I love you so much you’re my world and I’m so f****** sorry I am I am so sorry you’ve loved me through everything and I fucked it up.