Sometimes, I think I’d be better off dead. I just got released from jail after a year for domestic violence. I used to hit my wife and children when I was drunk. I haven’t had any alcohol in a year, and went through anger management courses. But I can’t be anywhere near my wife or children due to a protective order. I long, and really mean long, to hold and be held by my wife. I want to continue teaching my daughter how to dance, and my son how to play piano. I want to hear their laughs, see their successes. I want to desperately be in their lives. But they don’t want me any more. It seems like they moved on. I follow them from a distance sometimes. I wish I could just run up to them, and grab them in a hug and never let go.
I’m feeling depressed. Jail has made me afraid of everything, sometimes I’m uncomfortable in my own skin. Maybe I should just end my misery…I can’t even get my old career back. If I can’t have my family, and I’m having difficulty healing from being in jail, what’s the use of me even being here?