For the past few years I’ve grown into a suicidal depressive state and it wasnt until recently when i got extremely drunk for the first time (i was also drinking alone) when something changed. The day after drinking i felt as low as i have ever felt before. The days following i seemed more at peace with all the challenges life has thrown my way. My urge to leave this world still hangs with me and ive gotten so used to having random spurts of loneliness and pain i feel very uncomfortable with having a more straightforward mind. I’ve always wanted to go out by gun but lately I’ve thought of hanging. I just tested out the feeling of being hanged and believe if i have another breakdown im finally going to finish the job.