I hate myself, after my dad passed away and I got in and out of an abusive relationship I kept dating men with issues thinking I could fix them ad someone would love me and I wouldn’t die alone, but as the years pass ans my M.E gets worse I’m giving up especially after one relationship I thouht would work I got pregnant and paniced and I had an abortion ivevdone a lot of things when I was younger that I truely regret but now that I’m so used to getting everything wrong or maybe its just bad luck I think that un consciously I’m self sabotaging myself for instance I’m dating this amazing guy but I’m still talking to my ex who’s a head f*** and ai only get out of the house to see this lovely guy who’s great and I put mybgame face on and pretend I’m happy go lucky when really I’m exhausted and taking aniexty medication to help my panic attacks and when I’m at home I don’t move from my bed and I’m constant ly feeling sorry for myself waiting for me to screw up the one good thing i have going for myself and asking myself stupid questions like what f I die alone? or what if I fall for this guy and he doesn’t feel the same way will I beable to bounce back? I feel like I’m dangling myself over acliff I’m scared I’m young and alls I want to do is settle down be happy depended on and be loved and not die alone but even so I feel i don’t deserve it…