I was married to the perfect woman but I did not appreciate her. I was a wife batterer. She left me and took my five year old boy. I haven’t seen them in 3 years and don’t know where they are. In the meantime, I went through years of intense counseling and feel I have improved my ways. I want to start dating again, I want a true love, I want marriage, I want a family with children. I’m so afraid to. What if she (new woman) finds out about my past and leaves with my child/children. I don’t think my heart could stand that loss again. I’m afraid to open my heart to someone else- what if I get hurt again? What if she humiliates me about my past? What if I slip into my old ways (I don’t think I will…but there is always a doubt)?

Every minute, I think of my son. Is he happy? Does he play sports? What does he want to do with his life? Who was he for Halloween? Who is going to teach him to drive, about girls, college, etc.? What does he look like today? The agony will never fade.