i have two cats, i dont have much in life(as my in fault but im trying to get better) and these these two are my reason for getting up in the morning, they are the two gentlest most loving animals i ever met, all want is to play and love, they dont even scratch or bite hard when roughousing. but, i have repressed anger issues. when i got my first cat whenever he did something bad like broke something with a sentimental value i would lose it. i hurt him. he would just cry and when have the chance go hide under the bed. i would go wash my face and realize what i did, i would break down. and he would always just come out, forgive me and just nuzzle me. it’s been a while since it happened. a while a go i got a second cat to keep him company, she’s so amazingly gentle too. today she did something and i lost it. i didnt hurt her physically but she was running from me and the bedroom was closed. i tried to grab her out of anger and put her in a time out, but i was so out of it that i didnt notice what i was doing. she tried to go to my room but it was closed and when she realized that she has nowhere to ran she just peed herself and panted out of fear of what i would do. and again i realized what i did and broke down crying. she was still scared of me but allowed me to pick het up and clean her, i put her in her carrier to calm down with some snacks. ten minutes later she was already forgiving me and nuzzling my hand.
i know what’s wrong with me. part of me says i should give them away, but i cant, they’re the only thing that keeps me going. the only solace i can find is that i keep getting better every day. i just wish the price wasnt their physical and mental health… i have to do better… i have to… they’re the only ones i have.