Someone treated me really really wrong and I do not know where to go from here. I already have known how bad life is and can be, the worst sort of things

7 years

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Someone treated me really really wrong and I do not know where to go from here. I already have known how bad life is and can be, the worst sort of things that can happen in the world. This happening to me feels like, a complete disregard of everything that I have always dreamed, desired, prayed, and suffered for. I have been crying for two days. There is a sort of mystery to the pain that I’ve suffered that I begin to doubt the goodness of God. Right now I am without faith and am feeling unfufilled in the way that comes from giving someone the biggest, special-est piece of you, trying, and realizing that they never appreciated you for who you were when I am completely innocent. Even if things change drastically in the future and suddenly they realize and are able to communicate to me my true worth I think that we are both so deadened by this experience that I do not know how I will go on. Them not knowing how much I care for them is draining me of all my energy and there is a knife twisting in my heart. That they might suspect how much I care for them and they still do not care makes me want to shoot myself up my own v*****. I ask the world how many people I have hurt in my life. I ask the world how often I try to do the right thing. The answer is that I have genuinely been a good person because I have seen the worst from an early age. I ask the world why I cannot be loved in the slightest way by the one person I have ever really really cared about being loved by. I ask the world if it is too much to ask for, for just one message so I do not feel like the world wants to kill me through cruel and unusual heartbreak. I ask if I can please be shown that they are going to remember me for more and that they won’t forget me. I think about them with another woman and my heart is split into pieces. Please give me the strength to go on with my life and for them to be a part of my life. Please give me the strength to not feel disappointment, and their shame, regret, fear, and anger when I look him in the face. Please allow me to feel human after being dragged through fields of broken glass in hell. Please allow me to stop asking myself if they really felt nothing at all for me.

New Confession

After my dad passed away me and my mother took a trip back to Ohio so I could drop her off at her sister’s house.. I got to saint louis missouri and we couldn’t find a hotel to say at so I pull over in a rest area and parked in the back. We both got in the back of the van and fell asleep. I woke up wet so I opened up the back of the van and took all my clothes off. I woke up my mother and she did the same. She laid back down and I got in behind her and I got a hard on. My mother put her hand back behind her and knew I had one. I started playing with her t*** and then her c***. She said I don’t think we should be doing this
I told her that both of us needed this. She rolled over on her back and I got on top of her and she put me inside her. I started off slow and then fast. I could tell she was c******. Then again and then again. That’s when I put myself really deep inside her and came. It felt so good c****** inside her. We talked about it the rest of the way and said that we should do it more when she comes back home. And then she tells me that dad and her knew about the guy up the street making movies with me and his daughter. I didn’t think any one knew about that. There was even times that me and him had s**. I would s*** him off and he did the same to me. Mostly it was me and his daughter having s**. Mom said that her and dad would watch us. They were looking thru holes in the wall and after he was done mom and dad had s** with the wife and him. Mom said that she has all the tapes. I said even the ones that me and him having s**
She said yes and the ones of you and he’s wife. She said that dad help him sell a lot of them to people. Mom said she had copies of all of them. She would show me were they are when she comes home. I played a couple of them and she had all of them. Even ones with mom and dad having s** with them. Mom asked me if I enjoyed being with him. I told her yes I did. It was fun sucking him off and him c****** I’m my mouth. He did c** a lot. They moved away and mom and dad never saw them again.

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