Having spent my entire life bemoaning my being treated like s*** by women and considering myself a gentleman, I now feel that I am in fact worse than the people who have aggrieved me. I am married to a good person and care for her but somewhere down the line after 15 years , I am not in love with her any more. I look at other women and while I may not pursue them I sometimes fantasize how it would be if I slept with them. I have never committed adultery in the flesh but have had relationships with other women online using fake personas. I know I have at least given one desperate woman false hope and I believe that I have really crushed her. I ued to carry my pain like a battle scar but now that I have found out that I am not that good person I thought I was I believe that my entire life has been one big deception and disappointment . I am also heavily in love with someone I work with who is also married and I am being tortured knowing I could never have her and should never have her